A 28-year-old guy sought counsel from the Reddit community after being forced to choose between his wife and his recently orphaned 11-year-old sister in an attempt to reach a peaceful conclusion.
After two years of marriage, the guy had to painfully decide to break with his wife’s plan for him and their childless existence in order to accommodate the small girl who wished to live with her older brother.
However, his spouse wasn’t having it.
A 28-year-old guy revealed two years ago that he and his 28-year-old wife were having trouble with a choice that his orphaned 11-year-old sister had made.
The message said, “I want to adopt my sister after my dad’s death, my wife refused because we agreed on no children. Is there a way to fix this?” has been taken down from Reddit for over its “karma limit,” which typically indicates that the original poster (OP) set a limit on the number of comments to prevent excessive attention.
The user, in dire need of guidance, says that the younger sibling’s desire to live with her father and his two-year-old wife—who had previously decided to have no children—came about following the father’s death from pancreatic cancer.
The OP writes, “Due to the age gap, I am more like another father than a brother. My father passed away from pancreatic cancer. There are 2 options for my sister: either I take her in or my uncle [dad’s brother].” He continues, “So we asked her who she wanted, and she chose me.”
This is when things become complex.
He reveals that his wife declined to adopt his sister, citing the fact that his uncle was prepared to take on the role of rearing his niece.
Trauma
A child may experience severe stress if their parent is unable to care for them. They will lose their dependable caregiver as well as the security they experienced in their former household.
The OP felt compelled to look out for his sibling’s welfare since he wanted to support her during this difficult time.
Adding more detail, he writes, “…my sister has no parents now and I want to make sure she is able to recover and be healthy and since she wants to be with me, I will not force her to be with our uncle.”
Sadly, his wife did not agree, believing that adopting his sibling would not fit with the life she was creating.
“This is causing a lot of tension with my wife, things escalated and finally told her I am doing this whether she agrees or not, she can either accept it or we get divorced.”
He writes, “We have not talked since then. What can I do in such situation?”
“Yeah I feel like taking in your little sister is different than ‘having kids after agreeing not to,’ a Reddit member comments. “The poor thing! Does the wife have no heart?!…She sounds selfish.”
A second shares, “Seriously, choosing not to have children is one thing. Not taking in a beloved relative who happens to be a child in a time of crisis is a completely different situation!”
The situation is very unfortunate but neither OP or his wife are in the wrong, OP is being a good brother by taking in his sister after her dad’s death, but his wife has every right to want (want, not demand) the child free life they both agreed upon,” writes a critic, whose comment invited scores of opinions from child-free advocates.
“Always with the ‘selfish.’ I am child free by choice and have been told I am selfish for not having children so many times. What people fail to understand is that, for some of us, it is WAY better…” writes one.
Another “child free by choice woman” thoughtfully explains that she feels the OP should take in his sister, “as long as you understand the consequences of that decision…You and your wife are adults and should be able to amicably and rapidly divorce.”Next, the user suggests the girl’s guardian should have been established before their father’s expected death. “Truly, all of this should have been discussed and determined prior to your dad passing, and not during a weeping conversation with an 11-year-old girl, without speaking with your wife first. But, such is life. You’ve let an 11-year-old decide and I think it would be absolutely terrible to say yes and then change to no.”
Not too long after, the initial poster—who was by then a “single father-ish brother”—posted an update on the circumstances.
“I talked with my wife again. She still refused as she does not want kids. So we basically decided to go our separate ways.”Disappointed over her husband’s decision, the wife charged the OP with “choosing your sister over me.”
“Yes, my sister takes the priority now, I am choosing her over you. This was our last conversation.” he adds, “I have been living with my sister for 1 week now. Being a single father-ish brother is definitely challenging but I am really enjoying it.”
“Congratulations for being the brother your sister needs, and commiserations for having to be the brother your sister needs,” a netizen posts.
One user intervened in the interim and stood up for his soon-to-be ex-wife.
“Don’t be so quick to slander the wife. They agreed no children and there was another option (Uncle). OP made a choice under extremely difficult circumstances and the wife chose to remain child free. No one should be attacked in this situation. Not all choices in life are easy, but this was still a choice.”
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